When I first read the above writing, it just made sense. Often when we first fall in love we can loose who we are for awhile. What lovely and beautiful feelings and emotions. Weddings can be similar. We can loose contact with our reality. The wedding happens and then the challenges, the beauty and the depth of being a couple start to unfold.


I want to talk about Intimacy and what it means as you take your vows, as you create your life together and as you grow as a couple. Lets look at the following:

Emotional - Empathy;
Intellectual - Sharing the world of ideas;
Aesthetic - Sharing
Beauty - art, garden
Creative - Sharing acts of creating together;
Recreational - having fun & playing together;
Sexual - Orgasmic;
Work - sharing common tasks;
Crisis - coping with problems & pain;
Conflict - Facing the struggles and differences;
Commitment - mutuality derived by community service;
Spiritual - Sharing ultimate concerns;
Communication - The source of all types of intimacy.

Take time to consider your relationship and what it means and what intimacy means to you as individuals and as a couple. Ask yourself what is the purpose of being together, what is the purpose of my life and that what is created and manifested as a couple.

I have also included "Our Loving Agreements" for you to ponder with, explore and embrace into your relationship. This is to be used as a model only. As a couple you need to create agreements that suit you. We are all so different. Change them, add to them, have fun with them and discover them.

The most basic agreement is not to agree to anything that is not agreeable to you. Also remember to have an amendment system to your agreements. This means have an agreement as to the course of action to be taken when an agreement is broken or no loner feels appropriate. When in doubt - love.

We agree to make our relationship a top priority in our lives.
We agree to do only what we like to do with consultation with each other.

We agree to stay clear with each other, verbalise all our feelings and to have no withholds from each other:

We agree never to use the 'silent treatment'

We agree to always tell the truth

We agree never to go to sleep with resentments or upsets withheld or unclear

We agree to acknowledge each other with a kiss goodnight


We agree to handle upsets in the following manner:

We agree to take 100% responsibility for what is happening

If we feel like attacking the other, we agree to go apart for a little while and see what is really going on with ourselves

After asking "Is this something going on with me" we agree to communicate clearly, responsibly and tactfully

We agree not to interrupt each other during any exchange

We agree to continue communicating until something has been resolved that is agreeable to both of us


We agree to create special time once per month to:

Read our Agreements

Amend and/or change any of our Agreements as needed


We agree to use our relationship for the purpose of enlightenment, pleasure, joy and nourishment and this includes the following:

Emotionally supporting each other

Accepting each other as Divine Beings

Encouraging each other's prosperity and success

Respecting each others privacy

That empowerment of each other is our purpose

We agree to handle money responsibly and each be financially independent of the other. This applies to all expenses.

We agree to each take responsibility for the beauty and cleanliness of our living area and to share equally in the household

Agreements on love making:

We agree to do only what we want to do during love making

We agree that we each have the right to say no without losing the other person's love

We agree to have the right to stop when we get tired

We agree to clear before making love if we feel unclear

We agree not to worry about time during making love

We agree to ask for what we want

We agree not to use sex for manipulation nor withhold it to get even

We agree to stay in present time during making love and to let it be as pleasurable as possible

We agree to use responsible birth control always

Remember that relationships are like living and breathing plants. They need nurturing, attention, feeding, watering and fertilizing. May you have passion for each other's souls, and may the love that you have for each other continue to blossom and grow.

I leave you with the following words by Virginia Satir.

I want to love you without clutching,
appreciate you without judging
Join you without invading,
Invite you without demanding
Leave you without guilt
Criticize you without blaming
If I can have the same from you
Then we can truly meet
and enrich each other